Animal Super Bowl
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing the little animals, so at half-time the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the third quarter the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddles around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did, said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well" said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well" said the centipede. "I was having my ankles taped."
Dog Resolutions for 2009
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.
I will remember, the diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not walk under a big dog when he is peeing.
I will not steal dad's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
The gargage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I will not lie to guests, letting them think I haven't been fed in a week.
I will not lay in the walkway so that everyone needs my persmission to pass.
I will TRY to come when called the first time, despite that interesting bird, squirrel, toy, cloud, shoe, shadow, butterfly, plant, worm, airplane, smell, noise.........
I will remember that the litter box is NOT for Hors D'oeuvres.